Loneliness is a very subjective feeling, and everyone’s experience will be different. You may choose to be alone and live happily without much contact with other people, while others may find this a lonely experience. Or you may have lots of social contact or be in a relationship or part of a family and still feel lonely – especially if you don’t feel understood or cared for by the people around you. Loneliness can weigh heavily, making us feel unwanted, sad and craving human contact.
We know that loneliness can be triggered by stress, and poor physical and mental health. Significant life changes also spark loneliness – from stopping work to losing someone you love. For musicians and composers, frequent travel, touring, long hours in the studio can also be lonely and you may miss family and friends. Whatever the cause of your loneliness, here are five facts to keep in mind as you support yourself and others.
1. Loneliness can affect anyone – but everyone can help
Loneliness can affect anyone regardless of age or background. Many people feel they have no one to rely on or turn to in a crisis. Millions of people across the UK feel this way, our research reveals time and time again. But more than anything, it highlights how much more we can all do ourselves to show the people around us that they’re not alone. That could be as simple as connecting with friends and family over the phone or social media.
2. Being alone will not automatically make you feel lonely
Loneliness and social isolation are not the same. Loneliness is an unwelcome feeling that happens when there’s a mismatch between the quantity and quality of relationships we would like and those that we have. Social isolation, on the other hand, is a lack of human contact and interaction and, importantly, it isn’t always negative. You can feel lonely in a crowded room and equally totally satisfied being alone.
Unwanted and prolonged isolation can have a troubling knock-on effect on our attitude towards others. Eventually, it can make us distrust and disengage even when we get the chance to interact. So, finding ways to connect – even from your own home – is important.
3. Our relationships and interactions need to be meaningful and satisfying to truly tackle loneliness
To really tackle loneliness, we must be satisfied with our relationships and interactions, and quality is key. Simply talking or being with people is not an automatic protection against loneliness – living with others or being in regular contact with people where relationships aren’t that meaningful can make things worse.
This means that for some of us, constantly connecting with people over Skype, WhatsApp, Zoom or similar platforms will not always be the answer. Create the space to connect in a way that is meaningful to you (remembering this looks different for everyone) – and don’t feel bad about creating boundaries.
4. Just talking about feelings of loneliness helps
Even though so many of us so often feel lonely, too many of us are ashamed to admit it. A Red Cross survey of 1,000 people found that almost 60 per cent of respondents admitted they didn’t feel confident talking about loneliness. A third said they’d never admit to feeling lonely to anyone.
Yet, simply talking about feeling lonely, like so many other emotions, helps. The same survey found that people who reported they wouldn’t talk to family and friends about loneliness were more than twice as likely to feel lonely always or often than those who would.
5. Looking after ourselves in general, and those around us, can protect against loneliness
Loneliness is as much about our connection with ourselves as it is with others – when we feel good about ourselves, it’s easier to connect. The fact that loneliness is often triggered by significant life changes tells us a lot. These changes, whether losing work or finding out you have a health condition, come with both practical and emotional implications.
The practical ones are more obvious – being unwell or being low on money may make it harder to do things, for example. Though less obvious, the emotional consequences of these experiences can have an even greater effect: they knock our sense of identity and often make us question our role or purpose in life. Not being able to connect with yourself makes it hard, if not impossible, to connect with others in a meaningful way. While you’re at home, try to do the things that make you feel like you, stay stimulated, and do things you enjoy.
And don’t forget that you can do things for others – whether formally volunteering, being a thoughtful friend or supporting your more vulnerable neighbours. It not only builds your sense of worth and gives you a sense of purpose but helps protect you against loneliness too.
Musicians and Composers Working Alone
Turn it up to Eleven have produced some useful insights on the pros and cons of working alone in music which we have reproduced here.
Working in isolation isn’t all bad. Sometimes an artist or producer’s best work comes from the hours-long focus and heads-down time they get. One of the primary benefits of working in isolation is the freedom for creativity. The absence of external pressures allows solo musicians to immerse themselves in their artistic process fully. This undisturbed focus can lead to exploring uncharted musical territories and creating truly unique and authentic pieces. Solo musicians don’t need to compromise or negotiate. They make all the artistic decisions according to their vision. This autonomy fosters a sense of ownership over the music, resulting in a more personal and intimate connection between the artist and their work. Decision-making becomes a more efficient process, enabling a quicker translation of creative ideas into tangible musical expressions. This helps the timely completion of projects, allowing artists to maintain a consistent creative output. Solitude provides the necessary space for artists to experiment with new sounds, techniques, and genres and contributes to the evolution of their artistic identity.
On the other hand, the long-term effects can be more negative. Collaborations often bring fresh ideas and insights, and the absence of external influences can lead to a narrowing of creative vision, potentially limiting the range and depth of the artist’s work. Solo musicians may find themselves with a limited skill set if they do not collaborate with others who bring different talents and expertise to the table. Collaborative efforts provide opportunities for skill exchange and growth, enriching the artist’s toolbox and expanding their musical horizons. Collaborating with others also provides a platform for constructive criticism and validation. External input can be instrumental in refining ideas, troubleshooting issues, and ultimately elevating the quality of the final musical product.
Constant isolation can have negative effects on an artist’s mental well-being. The absence of shared victories and challenges may lead to feelings of isolation and, in some cases, creative burnout. Finding a balance between solitude and social interaction becomes crucial for maintaining a healthy mental and emotional state.
Being solely responsible for every decision, from composition to production, can lead to decision fatigue. The weight of constant decision-making may impede the creative process and result in artistic stagnation. Collaborative efforts can distribute this decision-making load, preventing burnout and ensuring a more sustainable creative journey.
The music industry is so dependent on relationships and building a network is a challenge when working in isolation. Collaborations open doors to connections with other musicians, producers, and industry professionals. These networks can be invaluable for future projects, performances, and exposure, offering solo artists opportunities they might not encounter in isolation.
A balance of solitude and collaboration can bring the best of both worlds to creative work.
5 tips to tackle loneliness and isolation
